Being the Kind of Person I Would Want to Marry

In my youth, I used to make a lot of lists. One list I used to keep was one of requirements in a future wife. Since families are forever, you only get one chance at this thing, so you had better pick a good woman. Marriage is serious business to Mormons.

So, this morning I was thinking, hypothetically, about what that list would be like now. If I were to be evaluating women for marriage, what would I look for? Here's the list of personality traits I came up with:

1. She's happy, cheerful, and optimistic. She keeps things positive. She is not bubbly or giggly, but she is not bitter or depressed either. A solemn, sincere, deep happiness.
2. She takes good care of her physical appearance. She has good teeth and hair. She is physically fit and healthy. She smiles a lot and has good skin. She dresses well.
3. She's polite and kind. She treats others with empathy and respect. She is honest, clean, and virtuous.
4. She has friends and family who are upright and successful. She expects those around her to follow a strict code of conduct.
5. She does interesting things. She goes places and experiences life first-hand. She is involved in interesting pursuits and activities.

I went through this exercise because a recent post at By Common Consent caught my attention. It's about a woman who wanted to marry a doctor and then--surprise--became a doctor herself instead. It occurred to me that the reason I would want to marry a woman who is cheerful, polite, and clean, is because that's the kind of life I want to live myself, and a wife with those traits would facilitate that.

So, how am I measuring up?

1. I used to be very optimistic and happy, but my mood has been kind of dark lately. My religious faith, which used to be a source of happiness for me, has suffered. My job is getting progressively less interesting and more drudgery. I spend most of my time, both at work and home, doing things I don't enjoy but which other people want me to do. I'm anxious about the economy. All these things have kept me from exercising my normally very positive disposition.
2. I only do the bare minimum in the physical appearance department. I go to the gym occasionally, and I keep myself washed and clean, but I could be doing more. I should wear slacks more often instead of jeans; I should buy more new, well-fitting clothing. I ought to get my hair cut more frequently and shave closer. The root problem is that I am tired all the time (from working long hours, babysitting, and staying up too late so I can actually talk to my wife now and then.) Also, I feel guilty spending time or money on myself, since I feel like I ought to be giving it all to my family.
3. I'm usually nice to people, but I don't make a special effort. I ought to make a goal to facilitate happiness in others, and stick to it, even if it means going out of my way to talk to or visit people. I have also become kind of selfish and greedy lately. I disparage the poor, I resent paying tithing, and I pirate software. I should strive to live with more integrity. I should be more generous with strangers.
   
4. Most of my family is poor (I can't help that), and I don't have many good friends otherwise. My father is in prison. I don't really know how to do better in this part; maybe by buying a house in a new subdivision and getting friendly with the neighbors? Most of my current neighbors are old.
5. I get on kicks sometimes where I make things, which is fun, but I don't have the time to do any serious recreation. It's hard to find time for any of this because my children are very young and require a lot of time and attention; and my wife often needs me to babysit so she can have time alone to do her homework for school. My work has demanded that we put in more time lately, so I'm gone from home for about 10 1/2 hours a day. I don't know how to fit interesting activities into my schedule.

So, I've got some things to work on. I'll start today. Maybe by being a better person, I can improve the lives of those around me, and be happier too.